Saturday, July 27, 2024

Is it over already?

How do you have gold medal matches on the first official day of competition? Did we miss the whole Olympics?  

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• It's Primetime in Paris on NBC and we start by watching a replay of the gold medal match for Rugby, where France defeated New Zealand. Wait. A gold medal match? This is literally the first thing we've seen! How can there be a gold medal match already? Maybe I missed all the qualifying matches yesterday. i guess that Beyonce fluff was longer than I thought.
• To gymnastics we go for the Men's Qualifying events. Paul Juda of the US starts off with a score of 13.600. He looked really good. What does 13.600 mean? That's a dumb score. Why did gymnastics go away from awarding 10's? I never get a survey asking me to rate something from 1 to 13.600.

  And, lo! John Roethlisberger is going to explain it for us! Difficulty + Execution - Penalties = Score. Only the Execution score is based on 10.0. That doesn't clear up all my confusion, but it did at least address the confusion. Well done, NBC!

  Stephen Nedoroscik from Wisconsin is on the sideline wearing glasses. Nerrrrrrd. He takes them off to compete then squints at the pommel horse. That doesn't seem like a good thing. Holy cow! It's the revenge of the nerds! He may not be able to see, but even a gymnastics ignoramus like me knows that was a good routine. 15.200. Wow.

• Fluff time! She made it into the Super Bowl, so how can NBC tie Taylor Swift into the Olympics? By having a bunch of American athletes talking about how they're ready for the Olympics while Tay-Tay's "…Ready For It" plays in the background. You might now be thinking, "Wow, Brian, I'm impressed with your knowledge Taylor Swift's catalogue." Don't be. I consulted with 12-year-old Team Rockwood member Sara, who was able to not only tell me the song, but also tell me that the title starts with a "dot dot dot." Always know who your phone-a-friend should be.
• More fluff after some ads. Who are the men on the U.S. gymnastics team? All of the men introduce each other and tell the camera how awesome they all are. They even call Nedoroscik a nerd. Ha! Called it! It's still fluff, though.
• Katie Ledecky fluff! Every other swimmer talks about the GOAT. And what do they say? That she's the GOAT. I mean, really, what else are you going to say?
• Speaking of Taylor Swift, her Eras Tour played in the same venue that will be hosting tonight's swimming competitions. No, she didn't perform underwater. Paris built a swimming pool in the stadium. Los Angeles is going to do that in 2028 in SoFi stadium. I guess it's catching on.
• Anyway, let's watch some swimming! We start with the final for the Men's 400M Freestyle. And with the first event, I already love what NBC is doing with their graphics. They used to just superimpose the names and flags of each swimmer over their lanes. That was good. But now they have a bar graph on the side of the screen that shows how many meters behind each swimmer currently is. That is even better. I like it a lot.
• Katie Ledecky gets more fluff. An interview with Leslie Jones. It's basically a history of how good she is. I was actually thinking that Jones was doing a good job on this interview until she asked Katie if she peed in the pool during a 1,500-meter swim. Stay classy, NBC.
• Back to coverage and it's Ledecky in the 400-meter final. Again with a final. Not that I need to see every qualifying event, but it's odd that tonight we've seen the rugby final, the Men's 400-m final, and the Women's 400-m final without seeing anyone qualifying for any of them. Ledecky isn't the GOAT here, as she gets bronze to Australia's Ariarne Titmus' gold. But that was Katie's 11th medal ever. Still 11 more than me.
• We've been watching the Olympics in primetime for five hours total and we haven't seen any Simone Biles fluff. That ends now! She's ready! But not tonight. Fluff!
• To Tahiti we go! Doesn't that sound nice? And who's covering that event? Colin Jost. Maybe not that nice. Is NBC going to try to work in all of the SNL cast members into their Olympic coverage? Whatever. Colin tells us a little about the activities around the event without telling us about the event itself. There are a bunch of boats watching. There's a guy standing on a shallow reef. And finally, there's Colin himself, surfing. Which SNL News host do you think was the best surfer? Can there be a tie for last?
• Gymnast Brody Malone grew up on a farm. He rides horses and ropes cattle. His brother calls him tough. Then we see why. He blew out his knee flipping off of a high bar. It was a quick edit, but if you looked fast you could see it. Pretty grizzly. But he's here in Paris now, so you know he recovered. Good job, Brody! Still fluff, though.
• On his high bar routine, Brody falls twice. Eek. His dad and girlfriend react exactly how you think they would. Tim Dagget points out that this apparatus sometimes comes down to inches, and NBC has a great shot of Brody missing the bar by an inch. He gets a down-red-arrow which, as John Roethlisberger told us earlier, isn't good.
• Americans Paul Juda, Frederick Richard, and Stephen Nedoroscik all advance to individual event finals, and the US still makes the top 8 teams, so they advance to the team finals. At least Brody will have a chance at team redemption.
• Around the games! Cycling! Soccer! Water polo! Basketball! Tennis! These are all things you don't get to see tonight! Tune in to other NBC-owned stations, I guess. I guessed right! "Gold Zone" they're calling it. Cute.
• And now, the "Event of the Night." It's swimming. NBC is really pumping up this Australia versus US thing. They force Michael Phelps to watch a video of an Australian swimmer saying how much she hates the US cowbells and national anthem. Bulletin board material! But back to Phelps. With that man bun, he now looks like Mulan's dad. Really. Compare and contrast!
• First up on the Aussies vs. Americans docket is the Women's 4x100m Free Relay final. Australia has won three-in-a-row in this event. Annnnnd… let's make it four. They never trail. But the US picks up silver, beating China by only 0.1 seconds. Next is the Men's 4x100 Free Relay final. Here the US has won the last two. Rowdy Gaines is calling them the favorite. And he's right! That's the first US gold in Paris. Let the cowbells begin! A replay shows Snoop cheering them on. I don't have anything against him, but why is he all over this Olympic coverage? It's getting a little weird.
• After the race, Melissa Stark interviews the US team. All four are wearing medals already. When was the ceremony? Did they sing? For you first time visitors, Team Rockwood places a lot of emphasis on people singing the anthem after they win a gold medal. Caeleb Dressel just won his 8th gold medal. NBC, why are you taking this away from us?
• To a different pool, where we get our first look at Women's Synchronized Diving. The Americans, currently in second place, are Kassidy Cook and Sarah Bacon. Cook 'n' Bacon? How can they lose with a name combo like that? Well, because the Chinese team is ahead of them, and China owns this sport. Ha! Someone in the crowd is dressed up as a strip of bacon with a cook's hat. That's a good fanbase, right there. You gotta support the team. I like that NBC has them miked up so you can hear how they start their dive. And they win silver! In their post match interview, they're already wearing their medals? Again, NBC, when was the ceremony? And then they're told they were the first American medal winners. We just saw the US men win the swimming medal. Everything in this broadcast is tape-delayed. Would it have been too much trouble to put this even first just so the timeline worked out?
• Snoop is coming up and 12-year-old Team Rockwood member Sara asks, "Wasn't he a rapper?" Yes he was. "But now he's old." Also true. Now you know what the Taylor Swift fan base thinks of Snoop, NBC. Maybe you shouldn't be basing your Olympic coverage around him.

  Anyway, Snoop was next to Caeleb Dressel's wife when the US relay team won their gold medal. He looked like he was having fun, and he loved the crowd's energy during the race. It did seem exciting.

• And here's the national anthem! Hunter Armstrong starts singing right away. Good for you, Hunter! The crowd is all singing, and at the end, Caeleb joins in. Better late than never, Caeleb!
• Back to the pool for the Women's 100-meter fly semifinal. American Gretchen Walsh is competing. She sets an Olympic record. That's a good semi. In the other semi, American Torri Huske finishes first. So, two Americans in the final tomorrow. Yay!

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That's a pretty good start. A minimal amount of fluff and a few medals thrown in besides. But NBC needs to work on their continuity if they want me to maintain the illusion that I'm watching some of these things live. Small potatoes, though. See you tomorrow!   

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