Friday, February 18, 2022

Finally, a happy story!

It's bible study time: Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise. Be Wise, my friends.

---

• We head out to the HOUSE OF SPEED for heat two of the Two-Woman Bobsled. The US has sleds in third and fourth place after the unseen heat one. NBC has a little video about how Kailie Humphries and Elana Meyers Taylor match up. Taylor is a better starter and Humphries is a better driver. You know who they never talk about? The other people in the sled. When was the last time anyone knew who the pushers were in US bobsled? The only one I can remember off the top of my head is Herschel Walker.
• After heat two, the Germans --surprise!-- hold three of the top six spots, and the Americans hold two of the remaining three. It should be interesting tomorrow.
• It's time for some drama-free figure skating, with the Pairs short program. Alexa Knierim and Brandon Frazier of the United States go first, skating to "House of the Rising Sun." They looked really good and didn't make Johnny Weir angry. The night's off to a good start!
• We take a break from recorded figure skating to go to LIVE Men's Skiing Halfpipe Final. Aaron Blunck is already on the course as we join. He finishes in 6th place, behind three other Americans. But the highest single score wins, so he's got two more chances.
• Mike Tirico is going to give us some halfpipe fluff. David Wise is an American skier in the halfpipe and has won this event in the last two Olympics. He is literally the only person to ever win gold in Freestyle Halfpipe since it only started in 2014. But he's also hoping to make the summer games someday in archery. Is he any good at that? Well, he already uses archery to hunt his own food. He and his family also grow their own crops. And he hosts a bible study. And he's really humble. What is going on here? David Wise is like the anti-Gu, except he would never say that because he's such a nice guy. Mike says David has lost sponsors because he's a hunter. Wise is too wholesome for American corporations. If only he'd sold out his country and appeased the communists. Then he'd be sponsor-worthy!
• American Gus Kenworthy hits the top edge of the halfpipe and goes down hard. That looked painful, but he skied off the hill under his own power, so I guess he's okay. The next skier also crashes. Then the next one does, too. Is the wind becoming a factor here? Alex Ferreira of the US stays on his feet, though, and is currently in third place in the second run.
• David Wise crashes, then teammate Birk Irving bails out in mid-air. Lots of skiers are having problems with this wind today. Blunck makes his second run and gets a higher score, but doesn't move up the leaderboard.
• Kenworthy's last run is much better. He didn't crash, so how could it not be? In his post-race interview, he tells Randy Moss that the wind is spiraling through the halfpipe and riders are slowing down because of it. But you can't stop this event in the middle because that would be unfair to the people who have already gone. Could you start the whole thing over? That would seem unfair, too. I guess everyone is just going to have to deal with it.  
• Ferreira makes his third run and does well, but not as good as his last run, so he's got to hope that no one bumps him out of third place. David Wise looked bothered by the wind on his third run, so he won't threepeat as Olympic champion. He's currently in second. It seems like that could hold up as bad as the weather is getting.
• New Zealand's Nico Porteous gets up in the wind and lands on his left shoulder. Did he dislocate it? He's sure acting like it. His arm is just hanging there. Thank goodness for big heavy jackets so we can't see what's underneath. Anyway, he's still the leader.
• Last up is Aaron Blunck again. Oof! He also goes down, slamming hard into the side of the hill. David Wise runs --RUNS!-- all the way up the halfpipe in ski boots to check on him. Have you ever run in ski boots? It's not easy. Do you think Eileen Gu would run up the halfpipe to check on anyone? No, she'd let her communist handlers do it. And if they'd dislocated their shoulder, the CCP representative would just shoot them to put them out of their misery. Blunck lays there for a little bit then gets up. He's okay, but will obviously fail to medal. Wise gets the silver.
• Around the games! A Norwegian biathlete, Marte Olsbu Roeiseland, has won her fifth medal of these games. Johannes Thingnes Boe also won HIS fifth medal in these games for Norway. If you're wondering why the Norwegians are winning the medal count, there are 91 countries in these games, and these two people have more medals than all but 13 of those countries.
• Back to the rink for more pre-recorded pairs figure skating. Canada's Kristin Moore-Towers and Marinaro lead off. Oof! They BOTH fall during a throw. I don't think I've ever seen that happen before. They, like every other skater it seems, are skating to some somber song. Can't anyone skate to happy music?
• Ashley Cain-Gribble and Timothy LeDuc get a couple of minutes of fluff. They discuss who's job is harder. Is it Ashley's because she's fling in the air or is it Timothy's because he's got a spinning, flying woman over him that he has to catch? Interesting perspective.
• They skate a good program to --gasp!-- somber music. They move into second place, one-tenth of a point behind fellow Americans Knierim and Frazier.
• The Russian Crime Syndicate pair of Mishina and Gallyamov skate perfectly to upbeat music and finish way ahead of everyone else. See? Upbeat music equals victory! Spread the news!
• Flashback! The coach of tonight's last Russian pair is also the coach of Kamila Valiyeva. She was emotionally cold to Kamila yesterday as the 15-year-old came off the ice. So cold, in fact, that even corrupt IOC President Thomas Bach felt the need to speak out against her. Imagine how morally horrible you have to be for Thomas Bach to say you're a bad person.
• David Wise gets a post-race interview. He's very gracious to the guy who beat him, has a cute Zoom meeting with his family where he asks about their day, and then he poses with cardboard Fatheads heads of kids. Seriously, NBC, why have you been promoting the heck out of a traitor when you could have been promoting this guy?

---

David Wise has made me happy. In an Olympics full of cheater, traitors, and genocidal countries, we have finally found a good story. It only took us 15 days.  Maybe there will be another one tomorrow!

Back to home