Sunday, February 22, 2026

No, Canada!

After 46 years, the United States gets the hockey monkey off their back by defeating Canada, the country that created the sport.

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• Did you wake up early this morning? I did. You only have so many opportunities to watch the US compete for gold in Men's Hockey, and this was one of them. But this also got me thinking: why do I like Olympic hockey so much, more than even the NHL? I'd wondered this before but I didn't figure it out until this year. And to solve this mystery, we only have to look back a week.

  A week ago, NBC aired the NBA All-Star game. I didn't watch. I didn't care. Why not? These are the best basketball players in the world. Shouldn't that be a good game? But we all know it isn't, and the reason why is the same reason that I don't watch it: the players don't care, either. The NBA has tried various strategies to fix this, to make it more interesting for the fans, but the fact remains the same. The players don't care, so I don't either.

  But what if the players did care? What if you could assemble two of the best all-star teams in the world, then somehow motivate them to fight tooth-and-nail to win a game? Wouldn't that be amazing? The answer is yes, and that's what today's gold medal hockey game was. Two teams composed of NHL all-stars, willing to do anything, including losing teeth, to get a gold medal. And it was amazing.

• The US took the lead early in the first, but even ahead 1-0, the lead looked dangerous. Canada was getting a lot more shots on goal than the US, and US goalie Connor Hellebuyck needed some amazing saves to keep Canada off the board. But eventually they got through and tied the game up. And then the US squandered a four-minute power play in the third period and gave Canada their own two-minute power play with just a few minutes in regulation. Hellebuyck came through again and kept the score even, sending the game to overtime.

  And then, just over a minute into the overtime, the US had a three-on-one break and Jack Hughes, he of the broken teeth from a high-sticking penalty just 10 minutes before, shot and scored to give the US a hockey victory they – and we – have been waiting for for 46 years.

• How about that medal ceremony? Did they sing? Does shouting count as singing? Team USA sang, cried, laughed, and got the entire US portion of the crowd to do the same. Then they took pictures on the ice of not only the team and the coaches, but also brought down Johnny Gaudreau's children to participate in the team photo. Gaudreau, who was killed by a drunk driver about a year-and-a-half ago, would most likely have been on Team USA had he still been here, and the entire team obviously still misses him.

  So... what more is there to say? It was completely, totally awesome.

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• But now, welcome back to the last night in Milan! Mike welcomes us in to the studio and after a quick recap, he sends us straight to Verona, where the Closing Ceremonies (CC from now on) are being held in an ancient amphitheater. Again, I'm only telling you what's happening on-screen. I'm not on drugs. Blame the program director for anything psychedelic.
• We begin backstage with an Italian dandy, who leads us backstage where all the good stuff is happening. Well, maybe all the stuff. I don't know if any of this is good yet. I guess these are Italian celebrities. Not being Italian, I don't know any of them. I haven't seen Andrea Bocelli yet, though. Too bad.
• Live from Verona Arena, it's the dandy orchestra! This is very old school. Men in powdered wigs and velour suits with frills play instruments as an opera stage appears in the background. A woman in a big hat and even bigger dress parades around the stage. A male opera singer with an amazing voice begins to sing. I don't know what since it's in Italian. Big hat woman responds to him. This is just straight up absurdist opera and I'm here for it. It looks like Italy has decided that opera is the bomb and you're going to get the full treatment whether you want to or not. More women in outrageous dresses are revealed as giant mirrored boxes open up on the stage.
• The Divas of the Opera, as Johnny Weir calls them, exit the arena on the red carpet and welcome the flag bearers from each of the competing countries. A jester mixes in with the athletes and prods them forward as the divas wave from the side. The jester hops on a bike and rides to a nearby opera house, where an actress he meets watches the rest of a performance. That' s kind of odd.
• Back at Verona Arena, an Italian color guard in 19th-century uniforms raises the Italian flag and the Italian anthem is played. Ahhhh… now the symphony in the opera house is singing. NBC shows what I presume are Italian officials in a luxury box reverently singing their national anthem. Some goofball executive behind them is awkwardly recording the whole thing on his phone. Dude. Put your phone down.
• The Olympic flame is arriving in a lantern made out of Murano glass carried by some Italian cross-country skiers from the 1994 Lillehammer team. They step onto a platform that rises from the floor of the arena. Well, briefly, anyway. That platform now sinks down into the floor and the flame goes with the athletes to… where exactly? They just disappear? They Von Trapped right out of the arena! So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, good night to the Olympic flame!
• Now the flagbearers come in, two athletes per country. Hilary Knight from the women's hockey team and Evan Bates of ice dancing represent the United States up on the stage.
• The rest of the athletes follow, filling the stadium as an Italian party band sings. Unlike the Opening Ceremonies where athletes enter with their own country, in the CC they all just come in together. Sort of. That's the official line. But really they stick mostly with their own country. The athletes circle the stage then file into the stands for the main event.
• It's time for the rave! A group of dancers wearing knee-length white hoodies and green spandex underwear flail about among tall, triangular mirrors. They're followed by Ukrainian-colored spandex dancers who pirouette until the EDM music ends. Ukrainian-spandex-guy is now jumping on a trampoline in the stage hole where the flame disappeared a few minutes ago. A woman who is the "Mysterious Siren of the Future" starts to sing. She's encased in what could best be described as failed plastic packaging. It looks like she was caught in a Saran Wrap explosion. More Ukrainian-spandex-people are hoisted above the stage, flipping about as they symbolically scale a wireframe mountain.
• The stage floor freezes over as ice fairies prance around. The fairies represent the different stages of water. Which stage of water relies on interpretive dance? The stage curtain opens and a bright light reveals a woman holding a guitar. Her hairstyle is best described as "spikes coming out of her head." As she sings, two Venetian canal boats sail around the stage. Amber Glenn and Alysa Liu look confused. Same, ladies. Same.
• A ballet dancer encased in "ice" rises above the stage and begins to perform an aerial sequence. He leaves the ice behind and descends to the stage, where he dances for spike-head-guitar-girl. She pleases him, so they hug. Well done, ice fairy.
• And now we play the Olympic anthem! Sing along! You all know the words! Ha ha ha ha. No you don't. Nobody does. There's a reason they don't show anyone singing along. A professional choir sings it. Even they have to read the music because otherwise they'd forget, too. They sound great, though. All the athletes stand around, watching as the Olympic flag is lowered, silently wondering, "Is this song almost over?"
• The mayors of Milan and Cortina hand the Olympic flag to the head of the IOC, who briefly puts down her briefcase full of bribes so that she can hand it to the representative from France, the host of the 2030 Olympic Games. And now, the anthem of France plays as they slowly raise the French flag. A French opera singer belts out the anthem as a lone Frenchman in the audience salutes. Some French athletes emerge with their medals as a group of French horns play onstage. How many more times can I use "French" in this paragraph? I'm starting to feel like Lane Meyer's mom.
• Let's watch a French video. A man skis across a white void. Closeup of an eyeball. A gun. The sea. The sun. Shadows move across the sky. Men dressed in white skate across a pond. A beating heart is heard as bobsled rockets down a track. Globes of light fly through the sky and orient themselves into a logo. Oui. So French.
• IOC President Kirsty Conventry praises everyone. You're all awesome! You left it all on the snow and ice! Thank you for making the Games magical! I declare these Games closed. Now I'll be taking your bribes and hitting the road! Ciao!
• Now a woman plays a white grand piano surrounded by chandeliers. The jester returns to the stage with all the divas. They're waving at each other as they leave, and the lantern with the flame returns. Now the flames in both Milan and Cortina are extinguished remotely. We never actually see the lantern extinguished. What if someone escaped with the flame?
• The jester is somewhere underground now, holding a lantern. Did he kidnap the flame? What if he tries to start his own Olympics? We can't allow such power to be in the hands of a jester!
• DJ group Major Lazer takes the stage. They sound just like every other EDM group. I think I prefer the opera dandies.
• Another Italian band takes the stage. They look like a Fall Out Boy version of opera singers.
• The jester is back underground with his stolen Olympic flame. He stores it in his shed, never to be seen again. His theft of the Olympics is complete. The perfect crime!
• You thought we were getting out of tonight without fluff, didn't you? Not so fast my friend! Now the Paralympians are watching home movies. Inspiring? Sure, but still fluff.
• Back in the studio one last time, it's Mike Tirico, here to wrap up the Olympic Games in Milan. NBC used to do credits here. Will they do it tonight? Probably not, but I can dream can't I?
• The Los Angeles Games are coming, so how about a closing montage of summer events while Kate Hudson sings "California Dreaming." I didn't even know she could sing. Nice, but fluff.

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And that's it from Milan and Cortina! How did the final night break down? Like this!

Back to home

The 2026 Olympic Watch Wrapup

In Paris, the amount of fluff doubled from the amount of fluff in Beijing two years before. This year the total went down, but it was still the second-highest it's been in the last 12 years. The final tally:

So is that bad? Let's look at our history:

	Events	Ads	Fluff
2000 Sydney	62.7%	24.4%	12.9%
2002 Salt Lake	I attended the Salt Lake Games, thus I didn't keep time for them.
2004 Athens	68.1%	23.5%	8.3%
2006 Turin	65.0%	27.0%	8.0%
2008 Beijing	70.8%	22.1%	7.1%
2010 Vancouver	68.2%	23.9%	7.9%
2012 London	66.8%	23.8%	9.4%
2014 Sochi	69.3%	24.1%	6.6%
2016 Brazil	69.2%	24.9%	5.9%
2018 PyeongChang	70.1%	25.2%	4.6%
2021 Tokyo	67.7%	27.9%	4.3%
2022 Beijing	72.4%	23.7%	3.9%
2024 Paris	67.3%	24.8%	7.9%
2026 Milan-Cortina	70.2%	23.6%	6.2%

It got better this year, but not significantly. It certainly hasn't eliminated the original mission behind the Rockwood Olympic Watch. So will I be back in 2028? Well, that depends. As you know if you read the news, in 2028 the Olympics will be in my hometown! Am I excited? Hmm... do I strike you as a casual Olympic fan? I'm very excited! There's also a fairly good chance that I would even get to work some of the events in my town. So I don't know if I'll do this in 2028, because there is the definite possibility that instead of mocking crooked Olympic money I will be getting paid with some crooked Olympic money. I can't pass that up. But for now, let's talk medals!

Bronze Medal: Drones! They were everywhere this Olympics, from the slopes to the bobsled track, and they made everything cooler. Speed is a very hard thing to convey using video, and finally drones have given some perspective to just how fast and dangerous a lot of these sports are. I'm looking forward to seeing how they advance this technology in the future.

Silver Medal: A tie! The US Women's Hockey Team and Alysa Liu. Women's hockey because they were so clearly overjoyed at winning their gold medal, and Alysa because rarely has someone looked that relaxed while destroying her competition. And interestingly enough, they both accomplished this on the same day! But the gold goes to...

Gold Medal: I think this should be obvious. When you win hockey gold for the first time in 46 years, you deserve the Rockwood Olympic Watch gold medal. Congratulations, Team USA!

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So that's it! It's over! Goodbye, Milan and Cortina! Hello, Los Angeles and Oklahoma City! Will the Rockwood Olympic Watch be back in 2028? You never know! I'm sure I'll post something, even if it's not the usual material. As always, thanks for hanging out with me and observing my Olympic madness. See you in 2028! Faster! Higher! Stronger!