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| 2:30 | 0:51 | 0:09 |
| Events | Ads | Fluff |
* It's time to say what we're all thinking. Matt Lauer infected Bob Costas' eyes with a biological weapon so that he could take over the biggest show on NBC's lineup. The only reasonable explanation for Bob's third missed day is that Lauer has pulled off a coup d'etat . I mean, Al "Do You Believe In Miracles" Michaels is on the NBC staff and somehow Matt ends up as the Olympics' host? It doesn't add up.
* To speed skating we go for the women's 1000-meter race. The US is disappointed that they haven't won speed skating gold yet, so they've modified a vent on the back of their uniforms. Hmm... this sounds like "it's a poor craftsman that blames his tools" kind of thinking. We'll see if it works.
* So far nothing, but with four racers left, the Americans have Brittany Bowe, the current 1000-meter world record holder. Nope. She doesn't win anything, either. Maybe they'd go faster if all of their uniforms had racing stripes. It worked on my friend's Camaro in high school!
* Skeletal fluff! Noelle Pikus-Pace is a skeleton racer and a mom. She retired after Vancouver in 2010, had two kids, and then thought she was having a third, but she miscarried. Very sad. Losing a child made her want to race again, and now her family is with her in Sochi cheering her on. Awww. Just because it's cute doesn't mean it's not fluff.
* As it turns out, Pikus-Pace is the first skeletoner... skeletonee? Skeletoney? racer... down the hill. Australian Leigh Diffey (who I called British the other day) and Bree Schaaf call the races. Why do we get to see all of the skeleton but we only saw the last two runs of the women's luge? Let's hope that means good things for the US.
* Katie Uhlaender of the US shows us how the skeleton equipment works. I suppose I could call this fluff if I really wanted to, but I like it when NBC takes the time to show us something about how the lesser-known sports work, so I won't. And her run, which unsurprisingly comes right after this instructional video, puts her in fourth. Pikus-Pace is in third. Not a bad start!
* A couple of turns on the skeleton track have the Sochi slogan "Hot, Cool, Yours" embedded in them. Where did this slogan come from? I'm sure there's an official story, but we all know it was Vladimir Putin. I imagine the meeting went something like this: VP: The slogan will be "Hot, Cool, Yours." Flunky: What does that mean, sir? VP: It means use it as the slogan or you're going to Siberia. Flunky: Yes sir!
* After two runs, Pikus-Pace is in second, and Uhlaender is in fourth. That is pretty good. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better!
* Extreeeeeeme! We're back on the mountain for men's ski slopestyle qualifying. Henrik Harlaut of Sweden has dreadlocks, wears baggy 4x-size clothing, and is carrying an uncooked egg for good luck. Needless to say, when he crashes, the egg is surely smashed and his pants fall down. Perhaps Henrik thinks he's competing in the Laff-A-Lympics.
* Nick Goepper is an American snowboarder from Indiana. Since Indiana is not known for it's mountainous terrain, he and his father built their own slopestyle-like obstacles in their backyard. Then, when his dad lost his job, Nick went door-to-door looking for odd jobs to fund his skiing pursuits. This is like the American dream! Win one for the Goepper!
* Next up for the Americans, Bobby Brown. Every little step he takes, he gets closer to qualifying for the finals. As for that trick he tried at the end? It's his prerogative.
* Henrik successfully makes it to the bottom of his second run but since he, like many of these slopestyle skiers, goes down the hill backwards, his baggy pants give the impression that he's trying to moon the crowd. Heck, for all I know,
* To the Iceberg, where the men's figure skating short program is about to begin. Yevgeny Plushenko gets his moment in the fluff. He's old (for an Olympian) and the home country favorite. So, the pressure is on. Fortunately for him, his Adrien Brody-like nose can handle the stress. But can his body? There seems to be some debate about whether or not he'll compete. C'mon. Why wouldn't he at least try the short program? If he fails, then he could withdraw. Well, shut my mouth! He does withdraw for medical reasons. I don't know that I've ever seen that before. So does Russia have an alternate? I know he can ride horses, but can Vladimir Putin skate?
* So, up first, American Jeremy Abbott. Aiee! He goes down hard on his first jump. Is the Iceberg Skating Palace jinxed? Amazingly, he gets up after laying on the ice for what seems like forever and finishes his routine. I think I'd be a little nervous now if I was the third skater.
* Next from the US, Jason Brown, who has decided that looking like Joseph Gordon-Levitt is his key to skating success. He'll be skating to songs by Prince. Really good job, Jason! U got the look!
* Matt recaps the Slovakia-USA hockey match earlier today. The US won 7-1. It's been 34 years since the Miracle on Ice. It had only been 20 years from the United States' previous Olympic gold in hockey. They're due! U-S-A! U-S-A!
* Back at the Laff-A-Lympics, Henrik moons the crowd again on his way to a great score. If he ends up winning, can someone at least force him to wear a belt?
* Joss Christensen and the Goepper of the US had great first runs in the finals, but Bobby Brown fell. Will he make up for it on his second run? Seventh place? Don't be cruel, judges!
* The US sweeps the ski slopestyle! See, Henrik? That's what you can accomplish when you pull up your pants.
* Back to the Iceberg, where we'll close out the show by having Scott Hamilton yell at us for 30 minutes.
* Finally tonight, it's time to sing! There are three Americans on the podium for the ski slopestyle ceremony. Will any of them sing? Strangely, it's the audience that joins in the singing first, and the Gus Kensworthy, the silver medal winner, starts to sing along. So I guess American slopestyle fans are now my favorite fans in the Olympics.
At least we didn't have a medal ceremony where we were more focused on someone's pants than their singing. It was a good day for the US and a good day for lack of fluff. See you tomorrow!
