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August 8, 2016

We Got The Beach!

A dominant volleyball performance caps a night of live events

  • Did you like starting last night at the diving well? Let's do it again, but tonight with the synchronized men. Tonight at least there are some Americans diving, David Boudia and Steele Johnson. They're currently in second place. I hope they medal, so Johnson will finally have vindication over all the people who made fun of his name in high school. Oh, c'mon. You know they did. You know YOU just did.
  • Team Rockwood member Sandy notes that the male diver's suits seem to be getting smaller every Olympics. How else are you going to get to see a Steele Johnson? She also notes that the hot tub the divers jump into after diving appears to be urine-colored. Don't judge! Those high dives are scary!
  • Remember last night? You know, with Katie Ledecky and Michael Phelps? Yeah… good times, good times. They won medals you know. How much of your time did you waste reading that? That's less time than NBC just wasted. Fluff!
  • Conor Dwyer is a Cubs fan, and his father gave the eulogy at Harry Carey's funeral. Another sentence that could have been easily inserted into play-by-play commentary instead of in a minute of fluff.
  • Now let's watch Conor swim the 200-meter freestyle final. He finishes third for the bronze. The more amazing story is South Africa's Chad le Clos, who shot out to the lead in lane one early in the race, then held on to win silver. I can't recall ever seeing any swimmer win anything from lane one. I guess when Michael Phelps isn't routinely winning golds you look for unusual swimming trivia.
  • In the men's 100-meter backstroke final, David Plummer races for America. He's from Oklahoma City, so I can root for the home team. Go David! He wins bronze. Fellow American Ryan Murphy wins gold.
  • Now the grudge match! American Lilly King and Russian Yulia Efimova are out to get each other in the 100-meter breaststroke final. It's like the cold war all over again! I feel like we should be playing the Rocky IV soundtrack right now.

    Efimova tells King, "I must break you." King wags a finger at her. Efimova says, "I can not be defeated. I beat all woman." Then King speeds out to an early lead. "She is not human. She is a piece of iron," says Efimova. "She's worried," say King's coaches, "You hurt her! You see? She's not a machine, she's a woman!" Then "Eye of the Tiger" plays and King wins gold! At least, I think that's how it happened.
  • Michael Phelps has a baby! Awwww. Just say awwww for about a minute as you watch Phelps try to operate a Baby Bjorn. That's all you need to know.
  • Now that you've had your fill of Cuddly Phelps, witness Angry Phelps. Chad le Clos is doing some kind of shimmy dance in front of Phelps as they wait in the warm up area for the 200-meter butterfly. Le Clos looks happy and goofy and Phelps looks like he's going to bite le Clos's head off. This should be an interesting semifinal. Phelps finishes second. Le Clos third. Well, not as interesting as I thought.

    Michelle Tafoya interviews Phelps afterwards and asks him about the controversy. Turns out Phelps wasn't even paying attention to le Clos, he just has Resting Angry Phelps Face.
  • Bob takes 90 seconds to tell us how awesome US women are, and then we head to Ryan Murphy's gold medal ceremony. Will he and Plummer sing? Yes! Plummer started first (way to go, Oklahoma boy!) but Murphy soon joins him. Let the endorsements ring in!
  • Michelle Tafoya tells us what all those circles are on the back of all the swimmers' backs. You know, like the Rockwood Olympic Watch did yesterday. New slogan suggestion: "NBC, we're only a day behind a low-priced blog!"
  • Live from Copacabana Beach, it's Kerri Walsh Jennings and April Ross getting ready to beat the Chinese team in beach volleyball. I mean, I suppose it's possible that they could lose, in the same way that it's possible that Michael Phelps could lose, but neither is likely.

    Why is that? I'm not a volleyball expert, but if you watch Kerri and April you'll notice that they are NEVER out of position. They don't make every shot and they make mistakes just like every other team, but none of their mistakes are due to their court position. So on every single volley in an entire match, they are ALWAYS in a position to make the other team pay. At times, it almost seems like they're toying with their opponents, trying different sets just to see if the other team can exploit what would be a weakness against any other team. It's amazing to watch.
  • Since the live beach volleyball was a blowout and only lasted 29 minutes, we're going to finish out the night with men's gymnastics. Why are we seeing this so late? Well, the first American on the floor exercise blows his dismount. The second blows his first two tumbling runs. The third, Jake Dalton, does great. Bu then, that's to be expected. Have I mentioned before that Jake went to school at Oklahoma? Boomer Sooner, baby!
  • Lilly King gets her medal ceremony and starts singing immediately. Belting out the national anthem with a vanquished Russian by her side? Team Rockwood might have a new favorite Olympian for 2016.

I wasn't very snarky tonight, was I? That's because there were so many live sports going on, I didn't have time. And just five minutes of fluff? I know I can't possibly hope for that to continue, but I love where it is right now. See you tomorrow for more!