Creepy London Olympics mascots chase Will Rockwood Comic
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
2:50 1:00 0:14
Events Ads Fluff

Throwing In The Towel

Maybe you shouldn't. You never know what will happen in the Olympic Games.

Someone who had never lost, did. Someone who should have lost, didn't. Someone who should have won because she's America's sweetheart did win again and just reinforced our belief in everything good in the world. It's the Olympic Games!



* Did you know there's an edit in the first phrase of the Olympic theme song right at the beginning of the program? It's happened at least the last two nights. You know the song. The tympani starts: dum dum da-dum dum, dum dum da-dum dum. Normally, a lone trumpet starts right here, but in the version NBC is using now, the trumpet enters at the same time as an odd-sounding cymbal crash. The reason it sounds odd is because it's originally from a later part in the song. NBC has edited down the theme song so they can more quickly get to programming. So, the real question is what do they want to add more of: events, ads, or fluff?


* Tonight we start with the Men's synchronized 3m springboard final. Notice again that they have split the title into two lines for their graphic. You're welcome!


*Team Rockwood member Sandy says of the Olympic divers, "I wonder who does all these guys' waxing?" Well, according to, it's actually more shaving than waxing. These are the kind of things you Google when you're obsessed with watching the Olympics.


* Now that we've got our nightly fix of Chinese divers winning gold medals, we're off to the beach to watch Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings take down another opponent in beach volleyball. It's still a good sport, but with the cold weather forcing all of the women into body length spandex suits instead of bikinis, I wonder if NBC's ratings are hurting.


* Whoa! What's this? Misty and Kerri lose their first set EVER in Olympic competition. Crazy!


* The British finally win some gold! First their women win the pairs rowing. Then Bradley Wiggins, the Tour de France winner, wins the cycling time trial. We even get to see the ladies' medal ceremony and "God Save The Queen." Yes, there was a lot of slow motion in this, but since I avoid hearing Olympic scores throughout the day, this was all news to me. I'm going to count this as event.


* Back to the beach, where Bob tells us that Treanor and Walsh won set two, so we're progressing straight to the third set. This is known as a "JIP," for Joined In Progress. Usually that happens for sporting events that ESPN is replaying at 2 o'clock in the morning, but since it's 2 am right now in England, I suppose that's fine.


* Misty and Kerri may have lost the battle, but they won the war. They finish off the Austrians in set three. Misty searches out a camera and thanks the military. A couple of days ago she did something similar and wished half the people she knows a happy birthday. You certainly can't accuse her of being camera shy.


* Seacreast: In! Ryan's reporting about last night's internet traffic generated on Facebook's "Talkmeter" and Twitter's Tweets per minute regarding Michael Phelps. It turns out there was a lot. Imagine that. Why do I need Ryan Seacrest to come in and tell me what's happening on Facebook? Doesn't NBC have enough problems without encouraging all of their users to stop watching TV and get online? Fluff!


* To the pool, where America's Jessica Hardy is back after testing positive for drugs in 2008, but then later being cleared of all wrongdoing. She's happy to be here! Of course she is.


* Jessica finishes third in her heat of the 100m freestyle semifinal. The second semifinal has America's sweetheart, Missy Franklin. She finishes second. We'll see both of them again tomorrow for the final.


* Ryan Lochte returns to the 200m backstroke for his redemption tour. Just four days ago he was going to rule the Olympics; now he's trying to redeem himself. Things change fast in these crazy, millions of tweets per minute times!


So far, so good, Lochte. Your semifinal win could lead you to endorsement deals yet, young man!


* Bruce Wayne... er... Al Trautwig welcomes us back to the gymnastics arena for the mens' individual all-around. But first, let's look at the US gymnasts in slow motion and dramatic lighting. Doesn't that make you more likely to watch this? How could it? You're watching it already!


* Danell Leyva gets his first fluff piece and John Orozco gets his second. They both come from unusual families. So they both deserve to win because they've struggled. Remember, no one from any other country has ever struggled except for those featured in fluff pieces.


* Oof. Apparently an unusual childhood doesn't actually translate into winning medals. Both Leyva and Orozco struggle on the pommel horse... again... and are probably out of medal contention. Does this mean NBC will show other sports the rest of the night? I guess we'll find out.


* What's this? Fluff about an Australian swimmer? James Magnussen, a.k.a. "The Missile" gets the slow-motion, dramatic-lighting treatment. In the 100m freestyle he's the one to watch! Uh... even though he wasn't the fastest qualifier. That would be American Nathan Adrian.


The race goes to... Adrian! By one-one hundreth of a second over The Missile! I guess that slow-motion was too much for Magnussen to overcome.


* After a few semifinal heats by the women, we get to the main event: Lochte versus Phelps in the 200m individual medley. Oh, and six other guys. But it's just a semifinal, so at least four of them are probably irrelevant. Results: Lochte, one, Phelps, two, other guys, who cares?


* Chad le Clos from South Africa beat Michael Phelps yesterday, so as a reward (?) he gets some fluff tonight. It's basically just a replay of highlights from the race and how he outtouched Phelps at the end of the race. At 90 seconds, it was almost as long as the race itself.


* The last swimming event of the night is the women's 4x200m relay. America's sweetheart is leading off the race for the US, and Michael Phelps' training partner is closing it out.


And they win gold! I'd expect no less from America's sweetheart.


* Finally! Bruce Wayne, Tim Daggett, and Elfi Schlegel are back with the unpersons of the US men's gymnastic team. Leyva and Orozco are now on their fourth rotation, which means NBC decided to skip one because the Americans were so far behind. Remember when you were watching an NFL game on NBC's Sunday Night Football and they cut away for a quarter because one of the teams was getting blown out? Uh-huh.


* Seacrest: In! Ryan is eating with Danell Leyva and his stepfather/coach Yin Alvarez. Also dining with them is Danell's towel, which now has its own Twitter feed (yes, really). Yin gets very excited during Danell's performances. He's very supportive. They are great friends and love each other very much. Very sweet. But yet, fluff.


* Now this is just sad. Bruce Wayne and Daggett are trying to give us false hope by saying that Leyva still has a chance to medal, provided that some of these other gymnasts crash and burn. Why is it that NBC wants us to watch the US gymnasts now, but didn't want to show them to us an hour ago? Surely they haven't run out of sports to broadcast.


* Well, with one rotation left, Leyva is in sixth. He's still seven-tenths of a point behind the man in third place, but if a few strategic people break their legs, he's got a shot at bronze. Where's Tonya Harding when you need her?


* Tim Daggett says Leyva just needs to catch the bar a few times and find his feet on the ground and he can medal. I say no way. We'll see who knows the math better, Tim or me.


In Leyva's favor, he does a great high bar routine, with just a small step on the landing. Is it possible?


* The German gymnast on the floor exercise bobbles a couple of steps. Where's John McEnroe when you need him? Are you serious?! Leyva's going to medal?


YES! It's a bronze, but Danell Leyva is on the medal stand! Hey, NBC! Sort of makes you wish you'd put his other exercise on, doesn't it?


* Women's all-around fluff! Only 30 seconds of it, but still.


* Medals for the US women swimmers! They're all singing, now! I guess Missy Franklin is a good influence. You'd expect that from America's sweetheart, wouldn't you?



Well, you can tell I'm just typing this as I go, because I thought I would see Jacque Rogge return a bribe before I saw a Leyva comeback. Shows you what I know. See you tomorrow for more!