The 2006 Rockwood Olympic Watch Rules

The immediate temptation when grading a major network on its content is to criticize it for the quantity of ads it broadcasts. Let it be known right up front that Team Rockwood thinks that NBC should run ads out the wazoo. The fact is that NBC has done what most of you haven't, which is pony up $613 million to go all the way around the world and show you pictures on that idiot box in your living room. For free. If NBC needs to show advertisements to pay for your lack of spending power, then by God, you should watch them and be happy. That's the price you pay for not going to Turin yourself.

However, the Rockwood 2006 Olympic Watch will still be documenting this advertising time, if for no other reason than it qualifies as neither "events" nor "fluff." We just want you to know how they stand. But once again, let us restate that under no conditions will we tolerate any whining about all the ads they show on TV. If you don't like it, planes to Italy are leaving all the time. We're sure they could squeeze you on for a thousand bucks or so. Yeah, that's what we thought. Have a seat.

With that said, what will we be grading? Essentially, it comes down to two categories, events and fluff. Sometimes the two intertwine, in which case, Team Rockwood will make a judgement call. Much like the Olympics themselves, the decision of the judges is final, so no beefing about that either.

Some of you may be asking "What's the difference between events and fluff?" Good question. There are always exceptions, but here are some guidelines:

• Events are obviously competitions and only competitions. If people are competing in an Olympic match, that is an event.
  
• If the event the person on screen is competing in is NOT at the Olympics, it is most likely fluff.
  
• Medal ceremonies, being something that only happens at the Olympics themselves, will be counted as events.
  
• Video of past Olympics will be counted as fluff.
  
• Because there are so many events that no one (not even members of Team Rockwood ) could possibly watch them all, news about the current Olympics will be counted as an event.
  
• Any story featuring someone who is NOT an athlete is fluff.
  
• Any video that is posterized, mosaiced, overexposed, purposely-blurred, or otherwise enhanced is fluff.
  
• Anything with a musical background intended to enhance emotion is fluff.
  
• Interviews conducted immediately following the event will be counted as events.
  
• Interviews conducted in dramatic lighting will be counted as fluff.
  

These are just a handful of the rules that Team Rockwood will be using during the games. In short, if something is (or in the case of Turin, could be) live and unpredictable, then it's an event. Anything staged or obviously pre-recorded is fluff.

Any time two anchors are talking to each other instead of talking about what happened qualifies as fluff. Of course, that could easily be your local news.

Finally, if there's something you want to tell us about, just drop us a line in the Rockwood Mailbag. You might also want to take a gander at the comic strips. Hours of enjoyment, right here at your fingertips. Isn't the web great?

Now, let's start watching!